Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize