Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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