ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
