Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
