Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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