i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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