WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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