and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
