Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
