if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
