Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
