dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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