If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i think my tv is drunk
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
