I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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