She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
