I've blown a few things in my day
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
so much tequila, so little girl.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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