you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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