My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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