guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
