every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
