Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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