let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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