Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize