Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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