you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
