I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
