Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
