oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
