Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
