Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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