i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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