sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
