yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
