Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize