Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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