I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
