hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
