I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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