I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
