at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
