A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
