I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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