She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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