I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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