the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He did a backflip because drugs
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