dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
