Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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