my room smells like sperm. sweet.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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