he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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