Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
