Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
