I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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