I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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