I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
