pop tarts are not kleenex
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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