4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Girls should come with a carfax report
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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