Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
