alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
