Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
