He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
