Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
