Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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