the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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