dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
