Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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