She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
