you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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