Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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