Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
