every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
