i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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