Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
