She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
