i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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