dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
