Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
