I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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