i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize