I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
