can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
