Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
