You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
