the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
