i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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