If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
