Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
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