How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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