I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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