She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
