I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize