I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
