Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
