so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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