i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
