surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize