I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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