i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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