We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
