based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize