were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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