Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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