i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
