I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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