I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
