there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
