i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i think im in europe. pls send help
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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