you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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