Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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