I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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