i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
