apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
