This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
