I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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