I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
