it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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