Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Are my feet made of real feet?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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