I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So much rum. So many feels.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize