mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
