worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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