it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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