What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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