I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
