His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize