There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
