mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
