But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
