Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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