I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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