she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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