dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
