Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
