Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
