i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
