Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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