I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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