He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Please don't give away my fajitas
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