At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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