So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
